The World’s Greatest Mahjong Player

I can’t seem to get anything done. Well…that’s not exactly true. I am the daily winner of my online Mahjong group. I routinely win by over a hundred points, which I know is a jerk move, and yet, I can’t stop playing. It’s the only time my brain is still. I have a full-time career and a part-time job—because I live in America, so of course I do. I also live in the woods, so there are a gazillion things that need attending to, like clearing brush, stacking wood, mowing, trimming trees, and filling the ever-increasing potholes in our dirt road.

And yet, playing Mahjong is my one consistent accomplished “chore”.

I call it my “crime-solving” activity. It’s when my brain mulls over all the things bothering me, and apparently, I’ve got a lot of them because I am CRUSHING IT in Mahjong land.

I routinely ask my partner, “How does it feel to be married to the number one Mahjong player in the world???” (Good soul that he is, he always agrees that it’s amazing and one of the highlights of his being alive.)

But I know. I know what I’m doing. I’m distracting and distracting and distracting from the hellscape of late-stage capitalism, the daily stripping of our civil rights, the grief of losing my brother to suicide seven months ago, and every other small and large worry that keeps me up at night. As I match each tile and hear that comforting click-clack from my phone, my brain feels at ease in a world designed for anything but.

There is so much happening. So much has happened. I don’t know of a single person who is not struggling in some way or another. People’s reactions to circumstances in their lives are being amplified to a point where they can’t even entertain room for compassion or understanding because the hits just keep coming. We are all feeling so fragile, so broken, so human. It’s exhausting.

I’m exhausted.

Click-Clack.